Adam Sandler is going to be on Conan tonight. That was my idea too.
Only three weeks ago I was sitting in the leather chair of Conanism, sipping pina colada's with Max and Connie thinking life was all that. I said, 'Hey, Adam S. is coming out with a new movie, '50 First Dates', we should see if he is available when we're in Canada.' Conan says, 'Sure, that's great. . . you're fired you no good sulfur drinking whore!'.
That was it, I got the boot.
Conan calls me, makes a threat about the lawyer, puts me on hold for 10 minutes, then comes back with all barrels blazing. . .
CONAN: "Mickey, it's over. Cut the sh** and retract what you've been saying".
ME: "You fired me! My wife is due in 8 weeks and you fired me! No way! Give me my job back"
CONAN: "Mick, it's not going to happen."
ME: "It better happen, I've got fodder for the fire baby!"
CONAN: (yelling now) "Now listen fu**weed! You pull this sh** off this da** fu**ing piece of sh** website or I'll get really mad and send Max and Andy!"
ME: "NO YOU LISTEN WEEDWEED! GIVE ME MY JOB BACK OR. . ."
CONAN: "Don't make me shave my head bald! Because I'm not afraid to do it!"
CONAN: "You head me Micky, I'm teetering on the brink of total hair annihilation and you . . . "
ME: "Coneman, what are you talking about? You fired me! That has nothing to do with your hair."
CONAN: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. . . "
[phone is hung up, the sound of hair clippers could be heard starting in the background]
Now I have to tell you, that was some weird stuff. For one thing, Conan is lost without me. And for another, I can tell from my years with the guy, that he is cracking under my immense pressure. I'll be back at the writer’s desk in no time baby.
I can't believe this guy. He's had me on hold for almost 10 minutes!!! I mean he calls me and then puts me on hold.
I'm holding because I want my job back. THE JOB HE FIRED ME FROM! I'm not going to get into it, but he accused me of drinking. . . it was totally untrue (a rumor started by Max Factor 7), and then out of the blue, his closest friend, tightest ally and best staff writer was turfed. Conan. . .
. . . just a second, I think he's. . . yah, brb.
Conan O'Brien just phoned me regarding some of my posted opinions.
He is saying something about lawyers. I'll post again in a second, I'm on hold.
Conan O'Brien thinks he's all that because he goes to a different country and brings on a moose caller? I mean, just because the entire nation of canada is in an uproar and the monologue can't start for the first 15 minutes of the show because the canuck audience won't shut up, and just because his ratings are soaring (in canada only mind you, they are dipping in the states), all of this does not mean that this dim-witted attempt at cross-national notoriety is working. IT IS NOT!
I would like Conan to remember whose idea this was in the first place. ME. That's right, me! The jilted former employee of a now famous celebrity.
You're a big man conan. A big towering man with an ego the size of the CN Tower! Make that a new record for the largest free standing structure in the world. At number three, your precious little Seatle space needle™, at number 2, the CAN COM Canadian National Tower of Power™ and the number one largest free standing structure this side of Uranus is the fountainous muff of red hear at the top of your gigantic ego!™ Fire me, you say? Fire me?. Fire you more like it, buddy. Yah. You heard me. Fire You!
Connie O', you are a moose! You owe me big time, big man. BIG TIME!
this site is in no way affiliated with, sponsored by or under the approval of NBC or the Conan O'Brien show. Although it should be Seeing as how I was turfed without thought or consideration seven weeks before my wife gives birth to our second child, but regardless, Conan has not approved this site and it bites my ass just to have to validate his sorry ass to even mention that I could possibly even need his approval. The bastard.