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2.24.2004

Conan, like Steve Martin, is a Jerk 



Conan O'Brien Ruined My Career! Doe no one care. Is there no mercy?


It has been 3 weeks since I was officially 'FIRED'. Only one threatening phone call from the Coney O himself. That's it. One call. And it wasn't a, 'Hey, sorry I fired you, how is life' kind of call. It was a 'Get your fu**en a** off the g** da** Internet and quit harrassing me!' kind of call.


Ohhhhh it broods now baby. It really broods now!

2.23.2004

C.O. IS MEAN! 

I LOATHE the Cone.


And the cone loathes me.

C.O. IS MEAN! 

I LOATHE the Cone.


And the cone loathes me.

2.20.2004

Conedog Apologizes for Offending French 



The Coming End of the Mean Man Malloy!


Conedog had it coming. First he fired me, then he offended the entire state of Quebec! I mean realy connie! What were you thinking. What are you, some kind of FLQ hating, separatist loving, French hating guy guy?


I love it! You should never have fired me. I could have saved your ass. I could still save your ass. Hire me back. Now or never buddy, now or never!


I AM ALIVE! AGAIN. . . I AM ALIVE!!!

Google Search: marketing 



Google Search: marketing


It's not that I'm trying to bring down the dog, I'm just trying to level off the playing field. Mr. Harvard grad has a chip on his shoulder and I guess I'm the dip.


Dippity Do Do buddy!


I'm still depressed but my anger that turned to sadness that became depression has now mellowed into solemn disregard for my own personal safety and hygiene. It's corn chips all over again.


Conan, I will return.


Conan, I will get my job back.


Conan, I will hunt you down and tell you one final joke.


Conan, I will take ownership over the characters I created including but not limited to that dog and the bear.


The bear. I mean really Conan. Hasn't the bear come and gone and hasn't the dog had it's day. I mean COME ON!


COME ON!!! AHhHHHHH!

2.18.2004

Concerning the Oracle 


Conan OBrien is a bad man. He is a tall, red-headed, sardonically irreverant, bad man.


And not to be politically incorrect, he is also a bad human being.


I mean give me a break. This guy has been riding on the coattails of 'Marge vs. the Monorail' for almost 15 years now. GET A LIFE BUDDY! Yah, big man with the doctor/lawyer parents and the Dennis Leary cousin syndrome!


Listen Mr. Freckles. I used to be your best writer. I made you who you are! I brought you the glory! I made you the celebrity you are today. And what have you done for me lately? What have you invested in my future and the future of my unborn child? Jack Squ**! That's what.


YOU FIRED ME!


I was . . . but I guess that is how that sentense will end. I was.


I was.

2.17.2004

Conan O'Brien Ruined My Career 


Today I am just sad and lonely.


The anger has burned into depression. Pass the pills.


Down, down, down.


Oh Conan. What have you done? Rent is due in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS. Ahhhhhhhhh.


Pity this fool.

2.13.2004

The Conedog Cometh 



As usual, I missed seeing the Conan O'Brien show last night. Why? Because I'm boycotting the Fu**er. He's a lean, mean, Irish machine with a penchant for Dairy Queen Dilly Bars™ and FIRING HIS BEST EMPLOYEES for no good reason.


I'll give you a dilly bar Mr. Red-Headed-Conedog. That's right buster! You hear it! I've got a frozen dilly bar with your name on it.


Run! Run to Canada. Hide out in your own frozen wasteland of self-deprecation and witless guile. I'm getting my job back and there is very little or very much you can do about it.


ROAR! Grrrrr. Raaa.

Curtain Calls on Conan 


Conan O'Brien ruined my career and my life.


I was once the head writer on his show, now I'm nothing. I'm a dog. I'm lower than a dog.


ConeDog, I hope you feel the bitter chill of my anger piercing the dark depths of your heartless soul. Brrrrr!

2.12.2004

Conan Takes Adam to Task 


Adam Sandler is going to be on Conan tonight. That was my idea too.


Only three weeks ago I was sitting in the leather chair of Conanism, sipping pina colada's with Max and Connie thinking life was all that. I said, 'Hey, Adam S. is coming out with a new movie, '50 First Dates', we should see if he is available when we're in Canada.' Conan says, 'Sure, that's great. . . you're fired you no good sulfur drinking whore!'.


That was it, I got the boot.

Brief Transcript of the Phone Call With CONAD 



Conan calls me, makes a threat about the lawyer, puts me on hold for 10 minutes, then comes back with all barrels blazing. . .


TRANSCRIPT AS BEST AS I REMEMBER IT
CONAN: "Mickey, it's over. Cut the sh** and retract what you've been saying".


ME: "You fired me! My wife is due in 8 weeks and you fired me! No way! Give me my job back"


CONAN: "Mick, it's not going to happen."


ME: "It better happen, I've got fodder for the fire baby!"


CONAN: (yelling now) "Now listen fu**weed! You pull this sh** off this da** fu**ing piece of sh** website or I'll get really mad and send Max and Andy!"


ME: "NO YOU LISTEN WEEDWEED! GIVE ME MY JOB BACK OR. . ."


CONAN: "Don't make me shave my head bald! Because I'm not afraid to do it!"


ME: "What?!?"


CONAN: "You head me Micky, I'm teetering on the brink of total hair annihilation and you . . . "


ME: "Coneman, what are you talking about? You fired me! That has nothing to do with your hair."


CONAN: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. . . "


[phone is hung up, the sound of hair clippers could be heard starting in the background]


Now I have to tell you, that was some weird stuff. For one thing, Conan is lost without me. And for another, I can tell from my years with the guy, that he is cracking under my immense pressure. I'll be back at the writer’s desk in no time baby.

Still on Hold 


I can't believe this guy. He's had me on hold for almost 10 minutes!!! I mean he calls me and then puts me on hold.


I'm holding because I want my job back. THE JOB HE FIRED ME FROM! I'm not going to get into it, but he accused me of drinking. . . it was totally untrue (a rumor started by Max Factor 7), and then out of the blue, his closest friend, tightest ally and best staff writer was turfed. Conan. . .


. . . just a second, I think he's. . . yah, brb.

Conan Just Called Me. . . 


Conan O'Brien just phoned me regarding some of my posted opinions.


He is saying something about lawyers. I'll post again in a second, I'm on hold.

Conan is a Giant Moose 



Conan O'Brien thinks he's all that because he goes to a different country and brings on a moose caller? I mean, just because the entire nation of canada is in an uproar and the monologue can't start for the first 15 minutes of the show because the canuck audience won't shut up, and just because his ratings are soaring (in canada only mind you, they are dipping in the states), all of this does not mean that this dim-witted attempt at cross-national notoriety is working. IT IS NOT!


I would like Conan to remember whose idea this was in the first place. ME. That's right, me! The jilted former employee of a now famous celebrity.


You're a big man conan. A big towering man with an ego the size of the CN Tower! Make that a new record for the largest free standing structure in the world. At number three, your precious little Seatle space needle™, at number 2, the CAN COM Canadian National Tower of Power™ and the number one largest free standing structure this side of Uranus is the fountainous muff of red hear at the top of your gigantic ego!™ Fire me, you say? Fire me?. Fire you more like it, buddy. Yah. You heard me. Fire You!


Connie O', you are a moose! You owe me big time, big man. BIG TIME!

this site is in no way affiliated with, sponsored by or under the approval of NBC or the Conan O'Brien show. Although it should be Seeing as how I was turfed without thought or consideration seven weeks before my wife gives birth to our second child, but regardless, Conan has not approved this site and it bites my ass just to have to validate his sorry ass to even mention that I could possibly even need his approval. The bastard.

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